Lost Without Rocket

I was lost in the town of my birth
I kept running into people
who knew what a pimply faced
voice cracker I was
what a goofy coltish math class boner I was
what a tragic heartbroken loner I was
what a foul smelling evil tongued monster I was
what a self indulged dessert I was
too rich for their blood
chocolate cake and whiskey
I detested seeing people with whom I shared memories
I was anxious to create a new world in which
to invent myself; spiritual calculus, imagined heaven...
I was anxious to leave town and forget all about it
like I had done so many times before
I was some place familiar
and this irritated the hell out of me
I wanted to be rocketing to Mars in a cryogenic slumber
or even Jupiter
equipped with enough food and water
for when I’m awake
I wanted to see all of our planets up close
and in their own atmosphere
I wanted to orbit the giant gaseous orbs
and study their climate
their temperament with naked eyes

I wanted to munch on French fried asparagus
in some members only club
where chimpanzees on roller-skates
serve mint juleps to big time crooks
judges and lawyers and congressmen of one stripe
good ole boys
ex-governors of southern states
children and grandchildren of plantation owners

I wanted to drive a steamroller
and melt down the tarmac with my heavy roll
cigar mouth, beer belly and wife beater

I wanted to stroll hand in hand with the Taliban
whipping opium farmers with long canes of bamboo
urgent to get the crop in, make the crop fuller

I wanted to stroke my riding crop
against the ass of the fastest horse in town
and outrun the law
leather satchels full of gold coins
stolen from the federal reserves
and passed out like candy to the locals

I wanted to be Mayor of that sleepy little hamlet
and one day run for congress
where the real money is

but really...

I was found in the disease
of the nearest biggest city
with a cinematic vision and projector eyes
being introduced to the pretty young poets
as whatever I wanted to believe myself to be
hero and villain
scourge and cure
beyond good and evil
and wrapped up in the thrill